Am I gay?
Question: Marvin (12-14) asks…
I am quite a slow developer and I have found that I enjoy looking at other guys’ penises. I get sexually aroused when I see guys’ penises. I think that I am gay but the society in which I live would not accept that. I also enjoy getting with girls. Am I gay, Bisexual or what? What should I do?
Answer: That’s a tough question to answer, as you would be the best one to know whether you’re gay or not. But keep in mind that most guys have a “penis curiosity” and may glance around a little bit in the boys’ room. This is probably especially true of late bloomers and early bloomers alike. After all, how would one know if he was “late” or “early” without checking the competition! This doesn’t make a guy gay, of course. Being sexually aroused when looking around may or may not mean you’re gay.
Many people get excited at sexuality itself, which is male/female independent. That is, some “get off” on sex itself, not necessarily by whom they’re watching or thinking about. Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual, yet there are still many negatives about it, and many are kept “in the closet” because of this which can cause some problems. If you are comfortable with being gay, then you shouldn’t let that stop you from “coming out” and being proud of it. Those who truly love you will love you anyway. Those who reject you weren’t your true friends to begin with.
Question: Mary (12-14) asks…
Me and my friend were in my room and she asked if she could feel my breasts. I said yes and then we ended up playing with others privates. Does this make me a lesbian?
Answer: My answer to you is pretty much the same as my answer to Marvin (above). It is normal for teens to experiment with same-sex friends, and does not necessarily mean that you’re gay. Most often, you’re not.
Question: David (15-17) asks…
My friend (he’s a guy) and I have experimented together. We masturbated each other, rubbed our penises on each other, etc. I really enjoyed it and hope to do it again. I’ve read that same sex stuff in your teen years is common. Is what we have done okay? I’ve fantasized about oral sex with him, is that okay to try. I am sure we are both virgins.
Answer: Well, yes, same-sex activity is common among teens. If this were to become a habit, it’s possible that it will no longer be “experimental.” It’s possible that you two may fall in love with each other, but only you would know whether you’re gay or not. If you have fantasies like this about other men, it’s possible that you have homosexual tendencies. I can’t say whether your activities are “okay” — but if you’re both comfortable with it, then it’s okay for you. I don’t know whether I’d consider you to be a virgin any more. Regardless, you both should protect yourselves!
Question: Lindsay (f,12-14) asks…
I like boys and I am straight, but sometimes if I think about a girl masturbating, I get horny. Why is this?
Answer: Believe it or not, the majority of people are not strictly 100% heterosexual — that is, it’s not an easy “black and white” distinction. More than half of all teenagers (boys and girls) have had same-sex experiences, and it’s not uncommon for some to feel sexually aroused by a setting rather than who’s in the setting. For many, sex is sexual no matter who’s involved (in reality or in fantasy land). During adolescence it is pretty common for same-sex friends to experiment with masturbation together. And this does not indicate homosexuality. What appeals to a person has a lot to do with the emotional level the person is on with another, and women tend to be closer emotionally than guys. This sometimes creates very close relationships which could lead to an emotional, and sometimes erotic situation. There is nothing wrong with that — and there’s nothing wrong with being gay, either. I wouldn’t worry about — if you masturbate, it’s not such a bad thing to fantasize.
Question: Tito (15-17) asks…
whenever I fantasize, it is always about men. Even so, I am still aroused when I see naked women, but not as much. Am I gay? Or is this normal for my age group?
Answer: Well, it’s possible that you are gay — you’d know it in your heart if you were. But yes, it’s very common for teens to be aroused by anyone and anything it seems. I wouldn’t worry about it. A few years from now you should know in your head what your sexual preference is. And that’s all it is — a preference. Would you prefer to be with men or women? Only you can answer that, and whatever that answer may be, it’s always best to be comfortable about it!
Question: Mark (12-14) asks…
One time my brother and I had oral sex. Does this make me a weirdo?
Answer: In most civilized societies, incest, whether with the same or opposite sex, is considered wrong and unlawful. Depending on the age of your brother, it could also be illegal. I wholeheartedly do not recommend it, and suggest that it doesn’t happen again. Perhaps you should think about why this happened.
Question: Sally (12-14) asks…
Is it normal to fool around with your straight female friends? I’m straight and so are my friends but we sometimes fool around sexually. Is this normal?
Answer: As you’ve probably read above, it is normal for same-sex friends to experiment in their teen years. However, when “experimenting” turns into a habit, then perhaps you’re not 100% as straight as you believe. Luckily, though, most people aren’t “100% heterosexual.” Follow your heart.
Question: Brian (12-14) asks…
When I was 7, my friends and I [tried oral sex]. At the time we all enjoyed it but now I want to do it again. Am I gay?
Answer: I’m a little concerned about how a bunch of 7-year-olds decided to perform oral sex on each other. I don’t really consider that “normal” for that age group — and it’s border-line normal for teens. If you tend to think about and prefer boys over girls, then it’s possible that you may be gay. But only you can know that for sure. Either way, I think you’re too young to be sexually active.
Question: Kyle (15-17) has two questions:
In p.e class we had a soccer game. After our teacher told us to have a shower, so I took off all my clothes and so did other people. I accedentally saw other penises and they looked different. Theirs didn’t have any skin at the tip, it was like totally pulled back. Is something wrong with me? After my penis got big people started to look. Am I gay?
Answer: You have two questions here. First, your penis was “different” from the others because yours is uncircumcised. What that means is, some parents choose to have their infant boys circumcised (the foreskin of the penis is cut off) out of religious custom or for whatever reason. But being uncircumcised is absolutely normal, and in fact it’s being performed less these days. Uncircumcised males should be sure to pull back the foreskin when they shower, to be sure to clean their penis thoroughly.
Your gym class erection must have been very embarrassing, and it does happen, it seems, at the worst time. You’re not necessarily gay — many teens tend to be sexually excited at anything. You have to ask yourself whether you enjoyed watching the other boys in the shower, and whether you’d prefer to see them or to see girls. Either way, it’s okay as long as you’re comfortable with your preference.
Question: Bob (12-14) asks about others:
I was wondering why the other guys masturbate with friends.
Answer: Well, it’s just “one of those things” that some boys experiment with. Experimentation is normal, although full sex acts with friends is borderline. I guess I should point out that it is also normal not to experiment! Masturbation is typically something one does alone, and in private. Most teens will not do this with friends when they’re adults.
Credit: J. Geoff Malta, MA, EdM, NCC Adolescent Therapist